As life plays out
by Macs-a-million
Summary: James knows something is seriously wrong,but when Carlos won't tell him what, how can he help? Carlos has kept what happened 5 years ago a secret from everyone, but what happens when he can no longer escape it and he falls so deep no one can pull him out?
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters of storylines affiliated with it.

_And the knife thrust in and all that was left was red._

He opened his eyes as his body shook with a cold sweat. It was the third time this week he had had the nightmare.

"Hey man, are you okay?" James questioned groggily from across their shared room. "You were crying out in your sleep again."

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine," Carlos stuttered, his voice sounding unsure and dry.

"M-Ok," mumbled James in reply, as he slipped back into sleep.

Carlos closed his eyes, wishing for a dreamless sleep to overtake him, but the nightmare just kept replaying in his head. His body shuddered as he sat up and threw the covers off his legs. His breathing was harsh and irregular. He set his feet on the floor and stood up slowly, and quietly made his way out of the room. He made his way to the kitchen. He filled a glass robotically and downed it, his throat still feeling like sandpaper. He braced his hands against the steel sink as tears began to fall, and his body trembled.

He stared into the mirror. His eyes were still red and puffy, with black bags underneath, that harshly contrasted with the surrounding caramel skin. It was 11am already. He had stayed in bed, pretending to be asleep until he heard the door slam, hoping that they had all gone.

Carlos' stomach grumbled and he knew he had to leave the bathroom, praying to God that none of his friends would be down stairs to question why he quite literally looked like crap.

Carlos gingerly walked into the kitchen, heaving a sigh of relief when he saw it was deserted.

" 'Bout time you got up," James greeted Carlos as he came into the room. Carlos' heart stopped for a moment, he had hated when people surprised him when he thought no one was there. It reminded him of G . . .

He shook his head to get rid of the memory as he turned around to his see James at the kitchen counter.

"Hey," he replied in a timid voice to his friend. Keeping his head down, in hope James would not ask what was going on.

James studied him with a watchful eye. He knew something had been up with Carlos for a while, he just could not figure out what it was though. It was like Carlos had put a wall around him lately and not allowed anyone in. He was acting the polar opposite to his normal goofy, open self. It was worrying James to death, he didn't know how to help him if he wouldn't trust him to tell him what was going on.

"Dude, you look like shit," James stated, referring to Carlos' bloodshot eyes. Carlos just turned back around and began to make a coffee, god willing he was going to need it if he were to make it through the day.

James cautiously walked around the kitchen counter towards his best friend.

"Carlos," he began, "What's wrong man?"

"N-Nothing," he stuttered, a sure fire signal that something was wrong.

"I heard you Carlos, when you woke up from another nightmare. You cried yourself to sleep again. Please, just tell me what's wrong," James pleaded.

Carlos slowly brought his eyes up to his friends only to see worry plaguing them.

"I . . . I . . ." that was all that he got out before his knees buckled under him and he slid to the ground, sobs wracking his body uncontrollably. James was by his side in seconds. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and pulled him into his chest.

"It's going to be ok," he said repeatedly.

'_No it's not, if only you knew . . .'_ Carlos thought as cried onto James' shirt.

Kendall and Logan were down taking in the sun on the pool loungers by the Palm Woods pool.

"Why do you think James decided to stay in the apartment when he could be tanning?" Kendall asked Logan.

"Hmm, I don't know. He said something about promising to play video games with Carlos." Logan replied sipping on a mango shake.

"Highly unlikely, Carlos hasn't played a video game all week. Do you know what's up with him, he's not acting normal? Kendall responded, sitting up so he was facing Logan.

"I have no idea, but he'll tell us what's bothering him eventually, it's probably nothing much."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Kendall replied, yet he still could not shake the feeling that something big was wrong.

Kendall pushed his key into the lock of room 2J as Logan came barrelling into him from behind.

"Quick, get inside Camille is looking for me again," Logan yelled as he ran and hid behind the couch.

Kendall doubled over laughing at the scene that had just occurred before him. Calming down and wiping the tears out of his eyes he only then realised how quiet the apartment was compared to normal.

"Hey, where are James and Carlos?" Kendal questioned Logan.

"No idea, maybe they're not here," he replied absent minded as he flipped through TV channels.

Kendall was about to dismiss the idea when he heard the sound of footsteps coming from James and Carlos' room.

"Hey dudes, why aren't you -" he was cut off by James pushing him out of the room and covering his mouth his hand. When he was sure he wasn't going to yell anymore James took his hand off his mouth.

"What was that all about dude?" Kendall questioned.

"He's asleep, so it would be great if you guys didn't sound like galumphing elephants when you come in you come in the door next time." James replied exasperated.

"But it's like 2 in the afternoon, why is he still asleep?"

"Because he barely slept last night okay, so just drop it." James snarled in his face before stomping back to his and Carlos room and shutting the door.

"What just happened?" Kendall questioned no one in particular, before shaking his head and joining Logan, playing video games on the couch.

James paced around his room. He felt like crap for snapping at Kendall, he was just so worried about his little helmet-wearing friend. He sat down and dropped his hands into his head, _'what do I do when he won't tell me what the hell is going on?'_

James was snapped out his thoughts at a scream. He turned to see Carlos thrashing around in his bed.

"No, no please just leave me alone . . . I'll give you whatever you want . . . stop George, please stop . . . don't do this . . . you're hurting me . . . someone help me!" Carlos yelled in his sleep.

James was by his side in an instant trying to shake the smaller boy from his nightmare.

"Carlos wake up, it's just a dream," he began as Kendall and Logan burst through the door.

"What is -"Logan began.

"Nightmare," James cut him off.

James was finally successful in waking Carlos up. He looked around disorientedly at his friends, Logan standing beside the bed, Kendall at the foot of the bed, a concerned look on his face, and James his face twisted in worry beside him with his fingers still locked around Carlos' biceps.

"It was just a dream . . ." he began before his body broke down in deafening sobs.

"It's okay guys, I'll deal with it," James said as the other two silently walked out of the room before closing the door behind them. James wrapped his arms around Carlos for the second time that day.

"Shh, it was just a dream, your safe, it's ok," he whispered continuously until Carlos's sobs weakened. He pulled away from James his eyes red, his cheeks tear stained.

"Carlos, you need to tell me what is wrong," James begged. Carlos looked up and met his eyes for a second, before looking down at his hands, he couldn't look James in the eye, he couldn't tell him, he couldn't tell anyone.

"Nothing, I'm fine," he whispered, his voice timid.

"Carlos, enough of this 'I'm fine' when I know you are most definitely not fine," James' voice turned hard.

"I – I am fine"

"What keeps happening in your nightmare's Carlos?"

"N-Nothing"

"Fine, don't tell me what is wrong, but at least tell me one thing," James said his voice harsh, but then his voice softened, and cracked, "Who is George?"

It was at this sentence that Carlos lost control and began to weep once more. He clutched at James shirt as his tears soaked into the material.

"Please," James whispered into his ear as Carlos held onto him for dear life.

"Please just tell me what is wrong."

Carlos pulled back, shaking his head.

"I can't tell you, you will think I am disgusting, you will hate me."

"I could never hate you, your my best friend, please, it hurts me to see you in pain."

"It began 5 years ago; I hadn't turned 14 for long. Anyway it was someone from school's party one night. I was still trying to figure out who I was. Girls were coming up to me through the night, but I wasn't even remotely attracted to any of them. Then when I was getting a drink there was this guy across the room, I felt butterflies in my stomach when I looked at him, and it was at that moment I knew I was gay." Carlos winced, expecting James' expression to be one of disgust instead his friend just nodded his head signalling him to continue.

"He noticed me looking at him, and I looked away, embarrassed at myself for being attracted to a guy. He came over to me and began talking to me, his name was George, he was two years older than me. We talked for hours, when the party started getting a bit out of hand he suggested going for a walk down on the shoreline. I said yes and we set off. When we were down at the beach I sat down on the sand and he sat down beside me, to close for friends. He leant in and kissed me. It felt magical, perfect, I thought he was perfect." Carlos scoffed at this.

"We started going out not long after, he made me feel like the most important person in the world, then one day we were at my house and he began to kiss me, but he turned frenzied and wanted more, he said that if I loved him I would have sex. I said I wasn't ready, that was the first time he hit me. He said it was my fault and that I should give him what he wants, because I loved him. He twisted with my mind. I kept going out with him, telling myself if he hit me again I would put an end to the relationship. He didn't hit me for months, until I went to meet him at the park one day, he said he had a fight with his dad, I tried to ask him over what but he put his anger on me, he broke my nose." Carlos took in a shaky breath.

"So that's what happened to your nose? You said you had slipped and hit it on a door, how did I not see through such a stupid excuse?" James whispered his head in his hands.

Carlos continued, "I told him then and there that it was over. He left me alone for a while, until one day he found me and said he was sorry for everything he had done, that he got help and changed. I took him back, I was blinded by what I thought was love, when really it couldn't have been anything further from it. Slowly he slipped back into the old patterns, a little hit here and there, I thought I could handle it. Then it started getting worse, he would beat me to a pulp and threatened to hurt the people I loved if I said anything." Carlos' voice was breaking by now, tears gushing down his face.

"About 4 months after I turned 15, I was home alone one day. I was in the kitchen when suddenly there was a hand over my mouth and George told if I screamed he would kill me. I begged him to just leave me alone. He didn't, he bashed me so bad that I began to black out. I had no fight left in me as he raped me there on the kitchen floor. My dad happened to get off work early that day. He came home and saw what G-George was doing to me. I was lying in my own blood. Dad didn't tell me what happened after he came home, except that George was going to be in prison for a long time. I was in hospital for 2 weeks, with broken ribs, a punctured lung, head injury, countless cuts and bruises. I had to tell the police and my father all that had been happening. I had to come out to my dad by telling him what my abusive boyfriend was doing to me," Carlos chuckled harshly.

"He was sentenced to 20 years, but our lawyer called me a few days ago. He's going to be released in 2 days, on a plea."


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Well i know this chapter isn't that long, but i wanted to post. Thanks to those who have read this story. Please review and let me know if there is something that you wan to happen in the story!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush

Carlos stopped talking and stared at his hands, with tears streaming down his cheeks. He raised his eyes to look at James.

James didn't know what to say he just sat there, shaking his head in his hands. He looked up to meet Carlos' pained eyes.

"Why didn't you tell us what happened? How did we not know that something was wrong?" James couldn't stop the tears coming this time as he broke down from hearing all the pain his best friend went through.

"I didn't know how to tell you, I didn't want to have to face up to it myself. You did know something was wrong, you all did, but whenever you asked me I pushed you away. I remember walking past your room one day and hearing you tell yourself 'if there was something wrong he would tell me, there's nothing wrong, he would tell me, he would tell me'. I didn't want you guys to judge me, I thought you would hate me for being gay, and for letting what he did to me happen."

"I'm so sorry" James whispered.

"You don't have to be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for" Carlos replied.

James pulled Carlos into a hug, they cried on each other shoulders consoling each other. They stayed like that for what could have been hours before Carlos pulled away.

"I'm scared he's going to come after me for putting him in jail." Carlos confessed.

"He will not come anywhere near you, I won't let him lay a hand on you."

James convinced Carlos to tell Kendall, Logan, Mrs Knight and Katie what had happened to him. Mrs Knight broke down crying part way through, Katie had a pained expression, Logan had a look of disbelief on his face, and Kendall had a hard expression on his face. James laid a hand on Carlos' shoulder encouragingly as he repeated to them what he had just told James.

"Bastard," Logan whispered. Mrs Knight didn't even tell him off for using bad language.

"I'm going to kill him," Kendall said harshly.

"Don't be an idiot Kendall," James said.

"Why not, were you not listening to what that fucking asshole did to Carlos?" Kendall bellowed, standing up and shoving James' shoulders.

"STOP AND SIT DOWN NOW!"

Everyone quieted at Carlos's outburst and turned towards him. He just shook his head and walked towards his room, slamming the door loudly upon entry. Kendall shrank back down into his chair and dropped his head into his hands. Logan sat there face blank. Katie was rubbing Mrs Knight's back as she continued to sob. James was fuming, the anger building up inside him. He grabbed his gym bag and walked out of the apartment without saying a word.

He changed robotically into grey sweat pants and a blank tank before entering into the gym and heading straight for the punching bags. He barely had enough patience to strap his hands before letting all his anger into the bag, not even registering that he was crying the entire time.

James felt like an asshole. He had been standing outside 2J for the past 10 minutes contemplating what he would say to his friends when he went inside. I mean what could he say, he walked out when his best friend needed him. Carlos needed him and he went and left him.

"Fuck I'm such an idiot!" James groaned pulling at his hair. He pulled back his fist and punched the wall beside the door, before sliding down the wall and sinking to the floor. His head dropped into his hands, with no energy left to be angry.

"You're not an idiot James, sure sometimes you act like one, but you most certainly aren't one," came Carlos' timid voice as he shut the door quietly behind him before lowering himself down to James' level.

James had not even heard the door open he was so lost in self loathing thoughts.

"Yes I am, I walked, I took the easy road out, just like fucking always. I should have been the strong one and been looking after you ... and ...and"

"James, stop. Okay? For the last time you are not an idiot, you are my best friend, you let me cry on your shoulder all of today, how can you say you weren't looking after me?"Carlos put his hands on top of James' and dragged them away from his face.

"I just want to make everything better, but I don't know how." Tears were falling from James' hazel eyes at this point.

"You already are," Carlos gave James a small smile before standing up off the wall and extending a hand to help his friend up. James took it and stood up, towering over his small Latino friend. James reached for the doorhandle only to be stopped by Carlos' hand on his.

"James..."Carlos whispered before putting his arms around James neck and pulling him in for a hug.

"...Thank you." He finished.

James just bought his hand around Carlos waist and held him close, resting his head on his shoulder. Carlos was safe when he was near him, he didn't ever want to let him go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: Thank you for all the support I have already received for this story. Are they just friends, or is it possibly more? Well that's for me to know and for you to find out! ;) Please review and feedback will be greatly appreciated!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush**

To say Carlos was jittery was an understatement. He refused to leave his room, let alone leave the apartment. All the residents of 2J were worried about him, but especially James. He had been trying to get Carlos out of the apartment, but the boy had turned into a walking time bomb. Every little noise would make him jump 100 feet in the air.

It was Thursday night and George was being released from prison tomorrow. Carlos refused to sleep unless James was in the room. Not that he really slept anyway. He had gotten about 4 hours sleep in the past week. He looked like a living corpse at the moment.

James had finally gotten him to fall asleep tonight, but he was already having a nightmare. It was tearing apart James heart to see Carlos like this. He wanted more than anything in the world to just make Carlos happy again.

James' train of thought was broken by Carlos' cries for help. James crossed the room at a swift pace, perching himself beside his struggling friend. He firmly placed his fingers on Carlos' shoulders, trying to wake him up.

With a gasp, Carlos woke up. This had been their usual routine for the past week, not one night had gone by without several nightmares. All revolving around George.

Carlos threw himself back against the bed, his forehead clammy, his clothes sticking to his body.

"Shh, it's okay, it was just another nightmare," James whispered as he gently pushed Carlos hair off his forehead.

"I'm so scared, Jamie," Carlos whimpered. James breath hitched in his throat. It was the first time anyone had called him by his childhood nickname since he was 10.

"I know," James whispered, stroking his thumb across Carlos' cheek. To anyone else it would have looked like they were a couple, but to the two individuals it was just a perfect moment.

"Come on, I'll run you a shower, it will help you relax," James said, standing up and walking into their shared bathroom. However, unbeknown to James, Carlos still had not told him one thing about the night George almost killed him, that George had stabbed him.

Carlos stared after James as he walked into the bathroom. James wasn't wearing anything except navy blue boxers. Carlos watched as the muscles in his back moved as he leant in and turned on the shower.

Hold on, was he just looking at James.

'_No, No, he's only a friend, that's all I see him as'_ Carlos thought as he threw his legs off the side of the bed and stood up, his legs wobbling. He grabbed the headboard to steady himself, as he felt his head spin. The lack of sleep was really taking its toll on his body, his skin was an off colour, his eyes were lifeless, his hair was lank, and his muscles ached.

James re-entered the room, the steam from the shower coming out of the bathroom. He saw Carlos who had his eyes closed and his hand at his forehead and he ran to him. He put his arm around Carlos waist to stabilise him.

"Come on, a shower will make you feel so much better," James stated, as he slowly walked Carlos to the bathroom. He sat Carlos down on the toilet.

"Can I have some paracetamol, my head hurts Jamie," Carlos groaned pressing his hands against his temples.

James reached into a draw and pulled out a packet of pills. He popped two out and filled a glass with water, and handed them to Carlos. He downed them and put the glass on the basin.

Carlos tried to take his shirt off, but couldn't find the energy.

"Help me, Jamie," he whispered, resting his head against the wall.

James fingers felt cold against Carlos' warm skin as pulled the shirt by its hem off Carlos' sweating body.

"I think you have a fever," James said, concern crossing his eyes as he placed the back of his hand on Carlos' forehead.

Carlos leant forward and rested his head against James' stomach. James gasped, taken aback at the action.

"You're so cold, Jamie," Carlos lips tickled as he whispered against James' stomach.

"Come on, get in the shower for me, I want you to feel better," James replied, lifting one of his hands to stroke Carlos' hair.

"Mmm," Carlos mumbled as he nodded against James stomach.

He stood up off the toilet, unsure of his feet and fell into James' waiting arms.

"Steady there, you okay?" James said as he steadied Carlos. Carlos just nodded in reply.

James eyes travelled over the boy situated in front of him. His skin was glossy with sweat, but that just accentuated the muscles under the caramel skin even more. His eyes travelled over Carlos' biceps, down his arms, across his chest, down his abs, and then his eyes travelled to the top of Carlos' pants. James noticed something he never had before, probably because it was Carlos and he was covered in scars from his various escapades. This scar was about 5cm long, and was ugly and purple. It was just visible above Carlos pants on his left hip.

Without thinking James handled travelled down and his finger tentatively traced the scar. Carlos tensed at the touch, being propelled back to that night.

"Did he do this to you?" James whispered, even though there was no need to. He stepped closer and continued to trace along the scar.

Carlos couldn't find words, all he could do was nod.

"What did he do that night?" James questioned, not moving from the close proximity.

"He – He . . . stabbed me."

James' eyes clouded over in anger. How could someone hurt his Carlos that bad? Wait, did he just say his?

"James," He was broken out of his trance by Carlos who was looking up at him with dejected eyes.

"I just keep thinking that I should have known," James shook his head.

"I got so good at acting like nothing was wrong. You could never have known, I acted so carefree, the complete opposite of what the situation was. I wanted to believe there was nothing wrong, I just wanted my life back to what it was. Us four, best friends, not having a care with what we did."

James couldn't string any words together, he just sat on the toilet and nodded his head.

"I'm going to get in the shower now," Carlos gave him a small smile.

"I'll grab you some clean boxers and leave them on the basin," James replied, stepping out of the bathroom.

He went over to Carlos' dresser and pulled out a pair of blue checker boxers. He left them on the bathroom basin before returning to his room, to lie on his bed.

Shortly after he heard the shower stop, then Carlos came out in the fresh boxers, towel still in hand as he dried his hair, droplets falling down his bare chest. James had to tear his eyes away to look up at Carlos' eyes.

"Better?" James questioned, breaking the silence.

Carlos nodded, "much better."

He threw the towel back into the bathroom and lay down on his bed.

James flipped the switch on his lamp before settling under the covers.

He was almost asleep when Carlos' voice broke the silence. He had thought he was already asleep.

"Yeah?"

"Would you sleep in my bed tonight Jamie, please?" Carlos' voice had a pleading tone.

James didn't answer. He threw his covers off his body and walked over to Carlos' bed. He slid in beside him, under the cool covers and pulled that Latino close to his body. Carlos shivered in James' protective embrace as the taller boy caressed his bare back with his long fingers.

Carlos rested his head on James chest, listening to the steady heartbeat as it acted as a lullaby to send him to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: I spent three hours writing this last night and it was 14 pages hand written. YAY! :D This is the longest chapter yet. **

**I would like to say thank you for all the reviews/story favourites/alerts that have been coming through. Hearing what you think of the stories means so much to me, so please leave a review even if it's only 2 words. Anyway i will stop babbling, enjoy the chapter!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush**

James groaned as he rolled onto his side under the layers of blankets without opening his eyes. They fluttered open once he realised there was no longer the warmth of a second body beside him. He tossed the blankets off him, instantly regretting the decision as a wave of cool air hit his bare chest. Chucking on a long sleeve knit shirt leaving just his boxers on the bottom he yawned as he opened the door walking out onto the kitchen. Carlos sat at the kitchen table, fully dressed in black skinny jeans, a blue graphic print shirt and a grey hoodie. He had a coffee mug in one hand and his eyes were concentrated on the print of a newspaper. He looked like he had been awake for hours, bags still fresh under his eyes.

Concern crossed James' barely awake features as walked to the fridge.

"Morning," he greeted Carlos as he pulled the orange juice out of the door of the fridge and poured himself half a glass. Carlos didn't look up or even acknowledge his presence. James looked at the clock on the wall, 6:13 am. How long had Carlos been awake? They hadn't gotten to sleep until probably after 1 that morning.

"Carlos," he said a little louder.

"Carlos," he yelled. Carlos looked up as if he had just been broken out of a trance.

"Sorry Jamie, I was thinking," he mumbled, his knuckles tensing white on the coffee cup.

James walked around behind Carlos.

"Don't worry, I know today is going to be hard but we'll get through it," he said as he placed his hands on Carlos shoulders and began to massage them. Carlos' eyes drifted close as James worked his skilled fingers on him. James kept rubbing Carlos' shoulders until all the tension was gone from his muscles. They were broken out of the moment by the shrill ring of the telephone. Carlos reached across the counter and grabbed it off the dock.

"Knight Residence," he answered.

"Hey Molly . . . I'm alright, and you? . . . What is it? . . . No" Carlos looked like he had seen a ghost as his arm went slack and dropped the phone on the table. James quickly snatched up the phone, wanting to know what was wrong.

"Hello, it's James Diamond speaking, could you please just tell me what you told Carlos, he's gone into a bit of shock" James said confidently into the phone.

"Hi James, my names Molly Johnson and I'm Carlos' family's lawyer. I don't quite know how to say this but I was supposed to be called immediately upon George Pintons release, however I was not. Mr Pinton was released early yesterday morning, and I only found out after calling the prison office to see what time they were releasing him today. Somehow there was a mix-up. This call was to inform Carlos that there is no trace of where Pinton went except for the fact that he had a ticket to Los Angeles and flew in last night."

"Oh my god, this can't be happening," James said, worry thick in his tone.

"We have already alerted the major police stations about him as he has to check in once a week. I'm doing all I can to have an AVO on him as soon as possible for Carlos and his family. I will call and keep you updated. Please tell Carlos not to worry too much and that I will be flying into LA in the morning with his parents to see him.

"I'll tell him, he's just not in a good state at the moment."

'Take care of him James," she replied before hanging up the phone. 

James tapped the end button and put the phone back on the holder across the counter.

He stepped back and looked at Carlos, he hadn't moved since he dropped the phone, his arm still where it fell on the table, his complexion pale and blank. His breathing was shallow.

James stood in front of Carlos and places his hands on his shoulders. This seemed to break him out of the trance.

"Molly told you?" he whispered his voice hoarse and cracking at the end.

James just nodded as Carlos dropped his head onto his hands on his lap and began to cry. James sat on the seat beside him, rubbing soothing circles on his back. He didn't know what to say, how to console him. How could he? There was nothing he could say that would make it better. Carlos was absolutely terrified, and _nothing_ he could do would make it better.

They sat there like that for ages, James just rubbing circles on Carlos' back while he cried. They didn't say a word to each other, neither could form words. James looked at the clock on the stove again. It was already 8.30. He listened and could hear Mrs Knight's footsteps upstairs as she woke Kendall, Logan and Katie up. Those three never were morning people.

The 4 other residents of the apartment groggily trampled into the kitchen, Kendall and Logan walking still with their eyes closed. They stopped abruptly as they took in the scene before them. Carlos was quietly sobbing into his arms that were rested on the counter and James was sitting beside him rubbing circles on his back. His face was blank, his hair was messed up, his cheeks were drained of their normal colour. Something was up, and it was bad, Kendall knew it.

"James, what's going on? Why is Carlos crying?" Mrs Knight said as she barged through the middle of Kendall and Logan to get to the two sitting boys. Well they couldn't really be called boys anymore; they were all 19 and 20 for God's sake. Where had the time gone?

"He was released yesterday," James said, tears brimming in his eyes. Mama Knight looked back and forth between the two boys. They hadn't cried like this for years and it tore her heart in two to see her boys like this. Yes they may be men, but they were still her boys.

"Oh no," she whispered as she put an arm around Carlos still sobbing and pulled James into a hug with the other. James buried his face into her shoulder and finally let out the tears that had been building up over the past few days. He wrapped his arms around her waist. She just stroked the back of his hair as he broke down in her arms. He had been the rock for them all since they had found out about the past. He had been Carlos' rock, he had not showed even a single slither of weakness around him, but once a crack was found in his armour, everything came crashing down.

During this time Kendall had taken a seat on the couch and had grasped his hands together. His knuckles were white as he tried to calm his breathing. His brows were pulled together, a steely expression on his face. He desperately wanted to punch something. The fact that George had already been released made the situation all the more real.

Logan was just standing next to Carlos, his left hand placed reassuringly on Carlos' shoulder, his other hand rubbing Carlos' back. Tears were threatening to spill over for Logan as well, but for once he knew he had to be the strong one of the group.

"That's not call," James croaked as he pulled away from Mrs Knight's embrace.

"What do you mean James?" Logan asked, his face crumpling in confusion and worry about what he was going to say.

"Carlos' family's lawyer Molly Johnson called this morning. She told Carlos something, then he dropped the phone and started to go into shock. I picked the phone up and asked her to tell me what was going on. She told me that she had not been informed that George had been released yesterday until she called asking for information, when she was supposed to be informed immediately. She also said they no longer knew his location, except the fact that he had bought a plane ticket," James voice was shaking.

"Where was the plane ticket destined for?" Logan questioned. James didn't answer, just stared at the floor.

"James, where was the ticket for?" Logan surprised James with how forceful his voice was.

"Los Angeles," James whispered as Mrs Knight pulled him back into her embrace and tears began to gush down his face.

"Oh no," Logan said the forcefulness completely gone from his voice; all that were left were those two shaky words. He leant back against the counter defeated and dropped his head into his hands.

The reality of the situation had just hit them hard in the chest.

Suddenly Carlos pushed away from the counter and ran to the bathroom, a hand covering his mouth. The sounds of retching and heaving drifted out into the kitchen. James jumped off his seat to follow him when Mrs Knight put a hand on his chest to stop him.

"Sweetie, sit. Sometimes you have to let someone else help," she said as she pushed James' shoulder down the make him sit back on the chair before turning and making her way to the bathroom.

James sat down feeling defeated. He had broken down in front of Carlos, when he needed him to be strong. He couldn't bear to see Carlos like this, he need to see him happy again. He looked down as he felt small arms wrap around his waist and a head bury itself in his chest. He wrapped his arms around Katie's small quietly weeping shoulders and let one last tear fall from his eyes.

Carlos groaned as he heaved into the toilet bowl. He shrank back and collapsed, resting his head on the side of the rim, closing his eyes. He reopened them when he felt a cold washcloth being pressed against his face. He tried to smile for Mrs Knight but it came out as a grimace. Before he could say anything though, he pushed her off him as he emptied the remaining contents of his stomach. Mrs Knight rubbed his back as she helped him stand up once he finished. She filled a glass with water and handed it to Carlos who was now leaning against the bathtub.

"Thanks, Mama Knight," he whispered, his voice coarse.

He drank the entire glass, trying to get the acrid taste out of his mouth. Once he finished it she passed him some mouthwash.

"That might help a little," she gave him a small grin.

He took it gratefully and swished it around in his mouth before spitting it out into the sink. He wiped his mouth before following Mrs Knight back into the kitchen. He took in the sight before him of him as his three best friends looked at him expectantly.

'_What do they expect me to say?'_ he thought.

He took in each of his friends faces. Kendall's face was contorted in anger, as he sat perched on the edge of the couch. Logan was still leaning against the counter, but compassion was shining in his eyes. Carlos finally let his eyes drift towards James. James was looking down and wouldn't look him in the eye. Carlos took in the expression. Guilt.

'_Why won't he just look me in the eye?'_ Carlos thought, hurt filling his body. _'He probably thinks I'm disgusting and have bought him nothing but trouble lately.'_

As similar thoughts continued to enter his mind, Carlos walked to his and James' room without saying a word, hoping that no one would follow him. He closed the door softly and walked over to his bed, stripping his hoodie and shirt off on the way. He turned around as he heard the door click open. James' face appeared in his view. A scowl crossed Carlos' face as he turned around, ignoring James' presence. Confusion crossed James' features at the sudden coldness his friend was displaying towards him.

He just stood rooted to the spot as Carlos pulled a loose t-shirt on and took him Jeans off, in favour for tracksuit pants.

"Carlos, what's wrong?" he asked finally taking a step into their room.

Carlos let out an exasperated sigh.

"Nothing, James. Absolutely nothing, he said in a sarcastic tone, "can you just leave me alone."

James turned and left the room, to stunned at Carlos' actions to say anything. He walked back out to the kitchen, trying to make sense of what had just happened when Mrs Knight broke him out of his ponderings.

"Boys, you have to go to the studio, Kelly just called. I told her Carlos isn't well and that he's staying home. Katie and I have to go meet Mrs Austin about an audition okay? So call me on my mobile if you need me."

As the four boys piled into the limo James didn't pay any attention to anything Kelly said. He knew that Mrs Knight had told her, that was all he took in. He just stared out the window, wanting the car ride to end.

Kendal studied the taller brunette curiously. James was self-centred unless one of his family or friends was hurt. He looked nothing like his normal self. He just had on a t-shirt, loose jacket and black sweat pants. He had not touched his hair and hit was mussed up. His face made him look as if he had aged 10 years in his face. He had dark circles under his eyes, almost as purple as Carlos'. Most of all thought he looked broken. He was 20 years old and he was broken. It was at that moment that Kendall came to two realisations. One- that James was looking after Carlos so none of the rest of them needed to, that he no longer took care of himself and two – that James was doing it because he loved Carlos – correction had fallen in love with Carlos, even if he himself did not realise it yet.

"It makes sense now," Kendall muttered to himself.

When he thought back on how Carlos always made James' eyes light up, how James hung on his every word and he was the first to comfort Carlos if he was upset. How he was there for Carlos when they all found out about George. How he helped him get back to sleep after every nightmare. How he would put an arm around Carlos all the time. How he would smile at him. How he would hug him or touch his arm whenever he could. It reminded Kendall of himself and Jo, or Logan and Camille. He had always wondered why Carlos rarely went on dates, he guessed that George had ruined that for him. James had even stopped dating, it was peculiar for him. He hadn't been out with anyone for the past month.

Yep, it definitely all made sense now.

Gustavo didn't keep them at the studio for long. None of their hearts were in it today. They all walked through the lobby door and strolled over to the elevators. The doors opened to level 2 and they began the walk to the apartment. They stopped, startled when they head a scream.

A scream that belonged to one, Carlos Garcia.

They set off at a run, James propelling forward on his longer legs, with Kendall and Logan following behind.

James reached the door to the apartment and was met with a gruesome sight. Carlos was on the ground, blood seeping into his shirt, his face bruised and bloodied. His pants and underwear were around his ankles. There was a figure above him, knife in hand. James' heart dropped as he saw it was already coated in crimson blood.

"_He stabbed me."_

James ran into the apartment and tackled George to the ground, knocking the knife out of his hand. He drew back his fist and punched George in the middle of the face as Kendall and Logan reached the door. Logan was already on the phone to 911.

James could not relent; he just continued to beat that asshole up. He only stopped when Kendall told him he had to get Carlos down to the ambulance and that he would hold onto George until the police arrived.

James sat down beside Carlos, he pulled the boxers and shorts up the smaller boy's legs his eyes drawn to the slits in Carlos shirt that had blood surrounding them. He scooped Carlos up in his arms bridal style and ran. Carlos' blood seeping into James' white shirt. The police ran into the lobby as he entered with Carlos.

"George is with Kendall, still in 2J," he yelled as he ran past them out to the ambulance that had just pulled up outside the hotel.

He barely registered what happened as the ambulance officers loaded Carlos onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. He wasn't allowed to ride with them so he ran to wear the Big Time Rush mobile, which had once belonged to Bitters, was parked. He was thankful he had his keys on him and he turned them in the ignition and gunned the engine.

He made it to the hospital in record time and ran inside.

"Hi can I get some information on Carlos Garcia please? He was just bought in." James said to a woman behind the counter in the waiting room.

"Are you family?"

"NO, but I live with him," James replied anxiously.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can only give out information to family," she replied with a sad smile, "You'll just have to wait."

James turned on his feet and went to the closest chair, dropping his face into his hands as he did. IT was no time before sobs were wracking his body. He ran a hand through his hair.

'_Why did this have to happen? I should have been there with him. I promised Carlos that I'd protect him and I couldn't even keep that promise. What if he doesn't make it? What if he never wants to speak to me again?'_

"James," Kendall said as he shook his friend's shoulder. James blinked twice only realising then that his friend was situated in front of him.

"He is under my care, his parents are flying in, they should be here in about 2 hours," Mrs Knight said to the women behind the counter.

James looked around to notice that Logan was sitting to his left with Katie curled up in his lap, crying softly and that Kendall had taken the seat immediately to his right and was staring intently at the ceiling.

"What is happening with Carlos Mum?" Kendall was the first to speak.

"He's in surgery at the moment and the doctors are doing all they can, but he's lost a lot of blood," her voice cracked as she delivered the verdict.

Kendall's face dropped, Logan looked like he had been kicked in the gut, and Katie just continued to cry in his lap, but James just stared into space, his face expressionless.

He stood up and walked out of the hospital, ignoring the calls of his name coming from behind him. He had always hated hospitals, it seemed like every time her was in one he lost someone he loved. It couldn't happen again. First his pop, then his dad and ma all before he turned 17. All he has left is his grandma. She does her best to care for him when he's in Minnesota visiting, but she's getting old and it is as if when his Pop died a little of her had died with him.

James kept walking through the hospital gardens until he found a bench. Lowering his body down, he gazed at the clouds. He used to do it when he younger, it would always clear his head, he hadn't don't it in years.

He didn't move off that park seat, he just sat there all day lost in thought. The sky had gone past a pinky orange hue and was turning dark as the moon rose in the sky. He felt someone sit down on the other end of the seat and he turned in their direction.

"Officer Garcia . . . How's Carlos doing?" James questioned tentatively as he raised his eyes to the older mans.

"He came through surgery; the doctors said that they had attended to all his internal injuries. He's in ICU at the moment. They said he should wake up soon. We've all been in to see him. He's pretty banged up though, but he would want you to visit him," Officer Garcia told James as he pressed a hand to the younger boys shoulder.

"I don't know if I can. I failed him, I didn't keep my promise. I promised him I'd always keep him safe and look now. This is all _my _fault. He'll probably hate me forever now and never want to see me again. I don't know if I can go in there. I don't want to risk the chance that the next time I walk out those doors I have lost another person important to me. I don't know if I can do it again," James admitted truthfully.

"Well James, sometimes in life you have to take the risk. Carlos could never hate you, your one of his best friends. You can't always be around to protect someone no matter how much you love them. You don't want to go in there and be faced with him saying he hates you and never wants to see you again but, sometimes love is worth the risk, it is the greatest force in the world and somehow it always shines through. You love him and that's why it's worth the risk because you know deep down inside that he could never hate you, because you mean the world to him and because he means the world to you." Officer Garcia finished then stood up.

"We'll be waiting, come inside when you're ready son," he finished before walking back into the hospital.

Lights at the top of lampposts now illuminated the concrete paths of the gardens.

James sat thinking about the boy inside, lying in a hospital bed.

Carlos' goofy smile flashed in front of his eyes, images of Carlos hugging him floated thorough James' mind. Simple touched, the day Carlos had admitted everything to him and broke down in front of him. The night Carlos slept in his arms, that night, that was the night he fell in love with him. It finally dawned on James. It was the reason that explained everything. Why he always wanted to be with Carlos, why he wanted to protect him, to hold

him when he was broken, to run to his side when he was sick. He loved Carlos.

"I love him," James said. Suddenly it was as if a tonne of bricks had been lifted off his shoulders. Finally admitting it to himself, with a small smile he stood up and walked into the hospital. He gave Officer Garcia a smile as he walked off to Carlos' room.

The smile vanished from his face as he entered the room. Carlos was hooked up to monitors all around his bed. There was a nurse beside him. James turned to leave.

"Stay, I'll be done in a minute sweetie," she gave him a reassuring smile as she finished what appeared to be applying a dressing to Carlos' abdomen. As she moved out of the room James finally took in the sight.

The blanket was only pulled up to the bottom of Carlos abdominal muscles. The dressing the nurse applied was situated on his right, halfway between his ribs and the bottom of his stomach. His body was speckled with small cuts and littered with bruises that were slowly turning purple. His face was bruised down the right side, he had a split lip and a cut above his eyebrows.

A strangled gasp left James' mouth as he lowered himself into the chair beside the bed. He lifted Carlos' right hand in his own two and placed it to his lips, pressing a single kiss onto it.

"Please, please wake up. You have to, I don't know how I would live if you didn't. I can't lose you Carlos, I love you so much, you're everything to me," James whispered before resting his elbows on Carlos' bed and pressing his hands to his forehead Carlos' still between them as he began to sob.

**Author's note: So what did you think? Enough drama? I know this chapter probably seemed to go to fast but I just wanted to get the confrontation out of the way. So will Carlos wake up or not? Will he ever find out that James loves him?**

**Please leave a review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Sorry for the little wait for this chapter, I went away for a few days and just wasn't quite sure how I wanted it to play out.**

**Anyway thankyou for all the positive reviews I have received for this story, I really appreciate the support. **

"_Please, please wake up. You have to, I don't know how I would live if you didn't. I can't lose you Carlos, I love you so much, you're everything to me," James whispered before resting his elbows on Carlos' bed and pressing his hands to his forehead Carlos' still between them as he began to sob._

James stayed in that position, holding onto Carlos' hand for dear life for hours. Every now and someone would come to check on him, asking if he wanted food or a coffee. He ignored them each time, his focus never leaving Carlos. They didn't push him, they just let him be with Carlos alone and that's what he needed right now.

Kendall appeared at the door once more. He glanced at his watch. James had been sitting there next to Carlos for over 3 hours. He glanced at the tall brunette and the grip he had on Carlos' hands, it was like if he let go he would lose Carlos' forever. Kendall could see the constant tears streaming down his face. It was painful to watch James. He looked completely vulnerable and broken. Like a part of him was lying on that hospital bed. It shocked them all to see him like this, James the one who was always so strong and confident. To see the pain in his eyes as they never left Carlos' still form.

Quietly stepping back from the door, he returned to the waiting room where Logan, Katie, his mother, Mr and Mrs Garcia were and also Camille and Jo, who had come as soon as they heard what happened.

"Does James want anything honey?" Mrs Knight asked, hope glimmering in her voice.

Kendall just shook his head and sat down in the chain beside Jo. He rubbed his eyes with the flat of his palms.

This had come to be the usual occurrence; one of them would go and come back with a shake of the head. They were all feeling the weight of the situation on their shoulders, but they knew the brunt of it was on James'. Kendall knew James hated hospitals, for a good reason. He knew that James was thinking about what would happen if he walked out of the hospital minus someone he loved once again. There is that word, love. Without a word they had all come to an understanding of the feelings James had for Carlos. Maybe they had all known to begin with and just realised now.

"Please wake up, I don't know what I will do if you don't," James mumbled, his voice hoarse.

He had been saying similar things into Carlos enclosed hand since he had sat down.

He felt sick, he had a heach ache, his face was hot and damp, his eyes were clouded over, his hands were shaking, his body was trembling, his breathing was shallow, and his lips were letting out small whimpers. Seeing Carlos laying completely still in that hospital bed had shocked him to begin with, but it was having a physical effect on him. James wouldn't leave no matter what, not until Carlos woke up and told him to. Even then. It pained him to think about what had happened to Carlos. Officer Garcia had been in a little while ago, wait, maybe it was a long time ago that . . . that_ thing _had been arrested and was in custody. That there would be a trial once Carlos was well enough,_ if_ he got well enough. James shook his head, banishing the thought. Carlos was going to be fine, he had to be. The concept of time was lost on James by now, he could have been sitting next to Carlos for all of 5 minutes or 24 hours and he would not have known. Time stopped every time he looked at the bruised and battered boy.

A fresh set of tears began to stream down his face, oh how he wished he could take all the pain away from Carlos' small form. He just closed his eyes, he would give anything to have him be okay.

Carlos' eyes fluttered open. It took him a moment to realise he was in a hospital room. His eyes focused on the cold white walls as he came back into his body. He could feel pressure on his right hand, he could feel warmth around it to, and he could hear light whimpers coming from beside him.

He turned his head to look at the brown haired boy sitting in a chair beside the bed. It was Jamie, his Jamie. Carlos took in the sight of him, he could see the tears falling out of his closed eyes.

Gingerly Carlos lifted his left hand and tentatively reached over and softly began to stroke the taller male's hair, letting his fingers run through the soft locks.

"It's okay Jamie," he whispered, his voice dry.

James' eyes shot open and his head raised up. Tears began to fall uncontrollably as he gazed at Carlos, unable to form words. Carlos gently wiped the tears off James' cheek with the hand that had been stroking his hair.

James just shook his head and lowered it, his voice barely audible, "I should have been there, I should have protected you, I couldn't even keep my promise."

"James, you saved my life, that's more than I could ever ask for," Carlos said using a finger to lift James chin up, so that he would look him in the eye.

James stood up and sat on the edge of the bed and put his arms around Carlos tentatively, not wanting to cause him any more pain. Carlos just pulled him closer, revelling in the warmth that James' body bought him.

"I don't know what I would have done if you didn't wake up. Sitting here, watching you just lying there. You . . . you're everything to me, and I can't live without you, I . . . I love you," James whispered into Carlos' ear.

Carlos' breath hitched. The boys had said they loved each other tonnes, but the way James said it gave it a different meaning, it was full of longing and want.

James pulled back slightly from the embrace, only inches from Carlos' face and looked him in the eye.

"I'm in love with you Carlos," he whispered, before placing his left hand on Carlos cheek and leaning in and placing his lips on Carlos. The kiss was slow, meaningful and perfect. James pulled back, a small smile on his lips.

"I love you Jamie, I have for a very long time," Carlos whispered a smile playing on his lips as he rested his forehead against James and initiated another kiss. Slow was out the window, this kiss was full of passion, and longing. Carlos threaded his fingers through James locks, as James hands roamed all around his back. James tongue ran along Carlos' bottom lip, asking for entry which Carlos gave immediately.

They were both so focused on each other that neither saw Logan's figure appear in the doorway and leave quickly with a smile on his face.

"Does James want anything?" Mrs Knight asked once again. Logan just looked up at her a smile broadening on his face.

"Oh James got exactly what he wanted," he said with a small chuckle. He looked up to a sea of confused faces.

"Logan, can you please just tell us what the bloody hell happened?" Kendall threw up his hands in frustration.

"Carlos is awake," Logan began but before he could continue, Kendall jumped to his feet.

"Well come on we have to all go see him," Kendall said excitement showing through in his tone. He was bouncing around and about to run to the room when Logan put a hand on his chest.

"No, we should wait for a little while," Logan said, trying to hint that James and Carlos needed a little alone time.

"But why?" Kendall whined like a child.

"Because I think Carlos and James need a little . . . time alone," he hinted yet again.

"Why would they need time alone?" Kendall was still acting oblivious to the situation.

Logan groaned, "Kendall, James got what he wanted, how much plainer do I have to make it, they need time alone because Carlos just woke up, James has been at his bedside for how long? Honestly, think, man if it were Jo there wouldn't YOU want time alone?"

Logan let out an exasperated sigh as Kendall's expression changed in realisation.

"Oh," was all he said before flopping down in a chair, and letting out a small chuckle, "Yeah we should definitely wait for a while."

"Carlos, I have to get the doctor and tell him you've woken up," James said pulling out of Carlos' grasp. He placed a chaste kiss on his bruised cheek before sliding off the bed and walking out of the room.

Returning with the doctor James could not listen. His insides churned as they were told the extent on Carlos' injury.

"The stab wound on your abdomen was lucky to not have hit a vital organ, however you did lose a lot of blood, we had to give you a blood transfusion as well as surgery had to be performed . . . extensive bruising . . . broken ribs" James just sat in the chair across from Carlos' bed as the doctor rambles off the long list. He looked up when he saw the Doctor leave the room to see Carlos studying him.

"What is it baby?" he asked, standing up and returning to his spot beside Carlos on the bed.

"James, what happens now, with us?" he asked, his eyes darting down to study the stitching on the blanket covering him.

"All I know is that I love you and I want to be with you forever and that I can't ever lose you. But it's your choice, if you want to be together or if you don't want anything to come of this," James voice saddened at the latter possibility, and it was his turn to look down at the grey blanket.

"I love you, I want to be with you forever, I can't ever lose you. Did you not hear me before when I told you I have loved you for a very long time? Of course I want to be with you. I want you to be mine Jamie," he finished in a murmur as he held James' hands in his own and rested his forehead against James'.

James closed this distance between the two, pressing his own lips to Carlos' soft ones. The kiss was simple, gentle and perfect.

"I love you," James whispered once more, before pulling Carlos into his chest. He rested his chin on the Latino's bare shoulder and wrapper his arms lightly around his torso. Carlos leant his forehead against James' shoulder and just breathed in his scent, it was intoxicating, and wrapped his arms around James' waist tightly.

Pulling apart James held one of Carlos' hands and gently pushed Carlos' hair out of his forehead with his other.

He pressed a light kiss into Carlos' palm as Carlos leant back against his pillow. James heard a click as the door opened and his and Carlos' friends and families all barrelled into the room.

James gently slipped away and leant against the wall opposite the bed as everyone fussed over Carlos. James could see it was annoying him a bit and let out a small chuckle.

"I'm sorry, it was the longest I could keep them out," Logan said as he came to stand by James.

All he received in return was a questioning look from James.

"I may or may not have come to ask if you wanted something and saw you and Carlos . . . I told everyone to give you some time alone, but they wouldn't sit outside any longer," Logan began to ramble, worrying that James was going to give him a black eye.

"Shut up, okay. It's fine Logan, just what did you see exactly?" James turned to face his dark haired friend.

James however received no reply as a nurse came in to the room.

"I'm sorry but visiting hours are over, one person may stay in the room if you wish, but only one. He needs to rest," she gave a sympathetic smile.

The goodbyes began for the night and James could not help but feel sadness overcoming him at having to say goodbye to Carlos, no doubt Mrs or Mr Garcia would want to stay with him.

Logan, Kendall, Camille, Jo and Katie shuffled out the door after saying their goodbyes, James telling Logan he would drive home by himself and not to wait.

He pushed off his place on the wall and walked over to the bed where Mr and Mrs Garcia were standing. He was about to say his goodbye for the night. Mrs Garcia glanced at his face, she could see the pain in it at having to leave and overwhelming love. She walked over to James and pulled him into a hug.

"Stay with him tonight, he would want you here more than his father or I," she whispered into his ear before pulling back and kissing him lightly on the cheek, before walking over to Carlos. She leant wrapped him in a light hug, before kissing him on the cheek as she had James. Mr Garcia gave his son a quick hug as well.

"We'll see you boys in the morning, we'll be back first thing. Try and get some sleep," she said before they both headed out the door.

James went over and sat in his spot on the bed once more.

"I guess I have to say goodbye for tonight," Carlos said, giving James a sad smile.

"The nurse said you can have one person stay, and I intend to," James grinned as he leant in and pressed his lips to Carlos' before pulling back and getting comfortable in the chair beside Carlos' bed.

"Get some sleep Carlitos, you need the rest," James said his hand giving Carlos' a small squeeze.

Carlos' eyes began to droop as sleep started to overtake him.

"Jamie?" he whispered.

"Yeah, darling," James replied.

"Sleep with me tonight, please?" Carlos whispered hopefully.

Like once before James did not reply, he simply slipped his shoes and jacket off before situating himself on top of the covers on Carlos' bed. He lay down on his side and pulled Carlos close, so his back was against James front. James draped a hand over Carlos' waist and felt Carlos entwine their fingers. James pressed a single kiss to the base of Carlos neck. Carlos felt safe in James' warm embrace, he never wanted to fall asleep alone again.

"Buenos noches mi amor," Carlos whispered before sleep finally overtook his exhausted form.

_Goodnight my love_

**Author's Note: This chapter was not as climactic as I hoped, however they got together. YAY! **

**Reviews as always will be appreciated, if you want something to happen let me know. Also do you want more of the other characters inner thoughts on the situation? **

**I hope you enjoyed my lovelies!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: First of all I must say how sorry I am for not updating. Thank you for all the reviews/favourites/alerts I have received and the support for this story.**

**So I hope you guys like this chapter, it is more of filler, but it is needed for some things that will be in the next few chapters to make sense.**

**Please R&R!**

***BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR***

Kendall just sat at the counter and laughed as he watched his tall friend run around their apartment like a chicken with his head cut off. James had been stressing out with Carlos coming home today. He was making sure there was not one thing was on the floor or out of place that might endanger a child let alone Carlos.

It was already 9.30am and Carlos would be released at 10. There was a knock at the door and Mr and Mrs Garcia emerged. They had been staying in one of the apartments in the Palm Woods so they would be close to everyone. Mrs Garcia walked over to James who was looking every which way, his hands were fidgeting, and he couldn't stand still.

"James, honey," Mrs Garcia said as she laid a hand on his shoulder gently.

He turned to look at her.

"You don't need to worry," she continued.

As James looked into her reassuring face he gave a small nod and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"James, son do you want to come with us and pick him up?" Mr Garcia asked stepping beside his wife.

"Yeah," James only barely managed to croak out.

***BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR***

They were on their way back to the Palm Woods. Carlos had been allowed to go, with only directions to participate in no exercise as he could rip his stitches, take a pill each day to stop the possibility of infection, and to return in one week to have the stitches out.

The list ran over and over in James' mind, surely it would be better if they kept him at the hospital. What if he hurt himself badly or tore his stitches and they couldn't get to the hospital in time. James tried to shake the thoughts out of his head as he looked down at the small Latino boy sitting beside him in the back seat of the range rover the Garcia's were renting while they were in LA.

Carlos looked so small and fragile beside him, it made his heart ache. He had never seen Carlos look so . . . so defeated. It was as if most of the life was gone from him. He looked at Carlos' face, his eyes had large black circles underneath them, his eyes were drooping, his hands were shaking even as James held them. Even with Mrs Garcia's assurance that Carlos would be okay, James was worried, really worried.

The nightmares . . . the nightmares. They continued to play over and over in Carlos' mind constantly, even when he was awake they would feel so real. It was the one thing that he had been keeping from James, keeping from everyone, though James is the only one that really knew how bad his nightmares were before. However now they were becoming unbearable.

He had barely slept the entire time he was in that hospital, for fear that every time he closed his eyes one would come yet again, only to have him wake up, alone, in a cold grey room.

Carlos wanted more than anything for James to just hold him, to let him just stay in his arms. Yet Carlos was scared more than anything of what James thought about him now, whether he had changed his mind on the way he felt about him. _What is James thinks I'm disgusting, used and he doesn't want to look at me anymore?_

Carlos looked down at their hands. James' larger hands were clasped around his smaller ones, James was gently rubbing the back of his hands with his thumbs. Carlos raised his eyes to look at James, only to find James gazing down at him.

Tears began to brim in Carlos' eyes, "James I . . ." But he could not make any other words come out. A single tear slid down his cheek.

James pressed a light kiss where it fell, before taking his right hand out of Carlos' before wrapping it around his shoulders and pulling him close, giving Carlos' hands a small squeeze with the other.

James twisted in his seat so he could pull Carlos closer.

"It's going to be okay," James whispered into his ear, before pulling back, placing a chaste kiss on his lips and turning back so he was in his seat, leaving his arm around Carlos' shoulders.

***BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR***

It was almost midnight by the time everyone left. Carlos couldn't deny he was exhausted, not only physically but mentally as well. He didn't want all the pity he had received when almost every resident in the Palm Woods had come to wish him well over the past day.

Stripping off his shirt and sweatpants, he pulled on a pair of loose cotton pyjama pants. He turned around and put him clothes in the basket. He had managed to be able to avoid any mirrors since . . . since that day, but the giant mirror beside the laundry hamper was unavoidable. He walked closer to the floor length mirror, not being able to tear his eyes of his battered form. His fingers lightly trailed down from his collarbone, across his bruised ribcage area, luckily the breaks on his ribs had not been that bad and have healed enough he no longer had to have the area strapped. His fingers outlined every bruise before he reached his hip. He couldn't remove his eyes from the black wires pulling his skin together.

"I'm disgusting, how could anyone want to be with someone so ugly," he murmured to himself.

"You are not disgusting, you are not ugly and why would someone not want to be with you. Your perfect Carlitos, your sweet, caring, put others before yourself, always help whenever you can, you're loyal, honest and . . . I love you," James said.

Carlos looked up, surprise clear on his face. He did not know that James had come into the room. He looked at the taller boy who was clad only in navy pyjama pants.

James walked up and stood behind Carlos. He pressed his bare chest against Carlos' bare back, his hand resting on Carlos' hips. He leant down and his lips ghosted over Carlos' left shoulder. So light he could have imagined it. His lips continued up to the pulse point under Carlos' jaw which he kissed softly before moving back down to his shoulder. Carlos shivered under the touch, it was as if millions of tingles got sent through his body every time James touched him.

James' hands moved from his hips to trail over his body. Even though they were still in pyjama pants Carlos had never felt so exposed to somebody before. It was like James could see through everything.

James' hands continued to roam Carlos' chest as his lips ghosted from Carlos' left shoulder across his back and shoulder blades before reaching his right shoulder. This earnt James a shudder from Carlos. James raised his eyes, but left his lips on Carlos' shoulder.

He looked into Carlos' eyes, the boy was melting under his touch. He stared deep into Carlos eyes as his hands roamed down rushing against the waistband of his pants before returning to his chest. Carlos let out a strangled gasp. James was an expert with his hands, if Carlos wasn't already melting under his touch he definitely was now.

"Your mine Carlos," James whispered as he moved his head towards Carlos' neck, his eyes never leaving Carlos'. James attached his lips to Carlos' neck once more and this time Carlos could not stop himself from moaning James name.

With a devilish grin James spun the shorter boy around so he was facing him before crashing his lips down onto Carlos. James pulled the Latino boy in close as he wrapped his hands around his back. Carlos' hands found themselves around James' neck, fingers tangling in his hair. The make-out session was turning intense as James lifted Carlos gently onto his bed and situated himself on top of his, with no weight bearing down on Carlos, being too afraid it could cause him pain.

Slowly things died down and they just looked at each other. Carlos could not deny the adoration that was shining from James' eyes. It wasn't enough to change anything though.

No matter what James said it could not change his past, it could not change what had happened to him. It could not change that Carlos felt hollow, broken, worthless.

***BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR**BTR***

**Author's Note: So I know this chapter did not deal with much, however there will be more of an insight into Carlos' developing psychological problems in the coming chapters, along with James as he tries to help him.**

**Please let me know either in a review or PM if there is anything you would like me to include in the story. **

**Again sorry for the long wait, but please continue to read this story. Also check out my other story for BTR A Fresh Start.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: First of all, I am so sorry for how long this has taken me to post, I have been really busy with school and other stuff. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please R&R!**

To say James was not frustrated would be to say ice does not melt. He had passed the stage where the sadness had plagued him, to be replaced by impatience towards the situation. He sat on the edge of his bed staring at the empty bed across from him. He had been glaring daggers at the thrown back, rumpled sheets for the past half hour. And it had only just hit 5.30a.m.

"Where the fuck is he?" James groaned, dropping his head into his hands. With a sigh he stood up and went to go take a shower, hopefully it would help to clear his head.

He turned the water on and stepped inside, the heat of the water stinging slightly but he needed it to clear his head. Stepping out of the shower he wrapped a navy towel around his waist and was drying his hair when he heard the light sound of a door closing and footsteps, leading to a thud. Opening the bathroom door he looked at Carlos' already still form. He reeked of alcohol, smoke and sweat. James' nose turned up at the smell, however he was beginning to get used to it. Carlos had been coming home like that every morning for the past week. With a sigh James walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of grey jeans and a blue print shirt.

He didn't know what to do. Carlos had been avoiding him like the plague, refusing to talk to him and was extremely cold whenever he did so. James couldn't figure out if he had done something to upset him or why he was acting like this. It had started last Saturday night, after his parents had left to go home to Minnesota. Carlos had walked out of the apartment, saying he would be back later. He came back, but at 7 the next morning. He came back in a similar state to the one he was in now. His clothes smelt of strong liquor, they smelt like cigarette smoke, and although James wasn't quite sure, he thought pot smoke as well.

So he began to leave each night, come home and pass out, sleep all day and go out again that night. To Carlos, it was the only option he had left. He had hit complete rock bottom, so what did he have to lose anyway. The alcohol took the edge of everything, the pot lulled him into a false sense of happiness and the cigarettes helped with the stress. It wasn't like he wanted to take that fork in the road, but all that was left ahead was a straight highway. No option about which road to take. For Carlos, he had lost all control of where he was going.

Begrudgingly taking a small sip of his coffee James barely tasted it. The clock had just ticked over at 6a.m. he knew Mrs Knight would be awake soon for her morning gym session. Maybe that would be a good way to get his mind off his boyfriend. Was he even still his boyfriend? The frustration just continued to grow inside James and he knew he would snap soon if he didn't get it out. Grabbing his gym bag from where he had left it near the door he grabbed his keys and walked out of the apartment. No one was at the gym yet, Mrs Knight was always the first there and James had well and truly beaten her this morning.

He changed into loose pants and a black tank before strapping his hands with what little patience he had before walking towards the punching bag in the corner of the room.

Mrs Knight walked down to the gym. She was so worried about her boys. She knew Carlos was going into a downward spiral and falling into depression. While she knew he thought she didn't notice, she was worried about the way James was acting. He seemed like he was going to either snap or break into pieces at any moment. She could see how what Carlos was doing to himself was hurting James immensely, and how Carlos was so cold towards him just made it that much worse.

She walked into the gym and in all reality she wasn't surprised to see James there, sweat glistening on his skin, muscles contracting as he slammed his fists into that punching bag.

She stood watching him from a few metres away, knowing he had to get the aggression out of his system. She watched as his arms went slack, and his knees buckled and his body began to be overwhelmed by sobs. Situating herself beside him she wrapped her arms around his trembling shoulders.

"It will all work out in the end James. I promise you," she comforted him as she stroked his hair.

"I can't take it anymore, what he is doing is destroying me," James' voice was barely audible.

Carlos wasn't the only one who had hit rock bottom.

Mrs Knight bundled up James' belonging into his bag, took the strapping of his hands as he sat expressionless on a chair, his face still tear-stained.

Her gym session could wait. She grabbed both their bags and led James back to the apartment, like a young child. She sat him down at the counter and made him a cup of tea and some toast. He stared at the plate that was in front of him and it just made his stomach churn.

"Sweetie, you have to eat something at least," Mrs Knight said; worry clearly showing through her eyes.

He took a small bit of the toast; it may as well have been cardboard. He could barely bring himself to eat it. Downing the cup of tea he stood up and walked past her into the kitchen and filled a glass with water before downing it, and refilling it and drinking the entire glass once again.

He felt a bit better; the water at least had moistioned his throat.

"What do I do?" he whispered, almost to himself but he was directing the question at Mrs Knight.

"Sweetie, he'll come around soon, he'll open up when he's ready and right now I don't want to say anything to make it worse. He loves you James, he just doesn't know how to cope right now and above all we just need to be here when he realises we can help him and he isn't alone."

The weeks went on. Nothing changed. Carlos had not spoken more than a sentence to any of them. He was sinking deeper into the black hole. James tried to talk to him but every time he did he would cut him off and every time James tried even to touch him he would flinch and pull back from the touch.

He watched Carlos walk out the door, without as much as a glance towards him. Carlos looked different, as if all the life had been sucked out of him, void of any joy.

James was sick of it. He knew that he was going to lose it at Carlos soon. He couldn't take it anymore. Every time Carlos came home a little bit of James' heart broke away. Every time he saw the expressionless face, a little bit of James' heart chip away. Every time he didn't glance back, James' heart broke in two.

James had been awake all night. He had to do this; he had to get Carlos to do something to get out of the grave of self destruction he was digging in.

He heard the front door open and dragging footsteps. Carlos opened the door and was alarmed to see James standing in front of him. He frowned and tried to walk around him. James put his hands out and grabbed the boy's shoulders to stop him from moving. Carlos body jolted away from his hands.

"Why?" James whispered, a steely expression on his face

"Why what?" Carlos replied, acid in his voice.

"Why did you flinch away when I touched you then? Why did you flinch every other time I have touched you since the day we came home? Why do you not talk to me anymore? Why do you go out all night and sleep all day? Why do you come home drunk, smelling of pot, cigarettes and whisky? Why are you destroying yourself? Why . . ." James couldn't bring himself to form the words.

What Carlos did next surprised James; he grabbed a fistful of his shirt in his hands and pushed him against a wall.

"Why do I flinch when you touch me?" Carlos mocked, before slamming his lips and body against James. After a second he pulled back.

"Happy now James? Is that what you wanted? I do not have to answer to you. My life is my own and what I do with it is none of your business. . . Fuck . . . you," Carlos drawled out the last two words, looking him directly in the eyes before shoving James' shoulders against the wall and leaving the apartment.

**Author's Note: I thought of how to do this scene and came up with many ways, but I decided to do this chapter on James so that's why I based it on him. In the next few chapters they will focus on what Carlos is doing and how he feels. I hope you don't hate me for their little fight. Please review! The feedback really helps me with where I decide to take this story. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Once again sorry for the wait, school has been hectic lately and I just haven't had any time. This chapter is short and I apologise for that, I will try to make the next chapters longer, but I had to stop this chapter where I did. Read & Review!**

What do you do when you have no one to turn to? When you have pushed the one you love so far away? What do you do once you hit rock bottom?

A tear fell from Carlos' eye. He didn't even bother to wipe it away, what was the point anyway it was 1.30 a.m. and he was at some random bar downtown, attempting to drink his pain away.

Carlos' thoughts turned to James. Pushing James away was for the best, it would make it easier for James to forget Carlos and move on with someone who didn't have the baggage that came with Carlos. James deserved someone better, James deserved the best.

Carlos stared down at the whiskey in his glass. He had never felt so alone in his life. He refused to believe he needed help, when deep down he knew he was spiralling out of control. Who could help him anyway? He was so far deep there was no way anyone could pull him out.

He nodded his head at the bartender to refill his now empty glass. The alcohol burned his throat as he chugged it down, hoping in some way it would give him some relief. It no longer did, no matter how much he drank, inside he felt so empty, like he was not allowed to feel anymore.

He pushed off his seat and stood up, wobbling only slightly before heading out into the dark night. He walked until he got to the alley where he could always find Tony. Tony would always be there with a few others dealing pot to those who knew where to find him. Carlos needed a fix. But what he really wanted was just to escape everything.

The drugs too had started to not work. Sure it would take the edge off, but he was still plagued by the problems he had to face. He couldn't forget them like he normally did when he was high.

Carlos' thoughts turned to George's trial which was coming up in 3 weeks as he inhaled the smoke and leant against the dirty brick wall. He would have to go in there and say what that . . . monster had done to him. He felt so ashamed, dirty and used. Tony's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"Carlos, you gotta be anywhere now?"Tony said as he slid in beside him against the cold damp wall. Carlos merely shook his head, staring at the ground. It was no secret that Tony was gay and wanted to sleep with him, everyone knew it, but no one would ever have expected Carlos to agree.

"You wanna . . . go somewhere? Get out of here?"Tony whispered sleazily close to his ear. Carlos barely even remembered stepping foot in Tony's car let alone allowing Tony have sex with him. All he remembered was seeing flashbacks of what George did, and then snippets of when all he thought about was James. Maybe he did it because he didn't feel good enough for James and it would only prove it more so. The regret plagued him though, how could he do this to the person he loved? When James had been there through everything, understood the way he was acting, been so patient. There was no way Carlos could face him.

It had just clocked 3 in the morning and he was sitting on a bench somewhere in Palm Woods Park. He had left Tony's and ran as soon as it was over. However sitting there, he could not bring himself to walk into the hotel. He knew he couldn't face his two best friends, his little sister in everything but blood, his second mother, and the love of his life.

'_I'm too big a burden, they're better off without me. Kendall and Logan don't need to worry about me, they need to get on with their lives, Mrs Knight should not have me as her responsibility, Katie should not have to know how cruel a place the world is and James . . . James deserves someone who can give him who he wants, someone who isn't so fucked up. I never deserved him,' _Carlos thought staring at his trembling hands. Slowly he stood up and began to walk to the hotel, he was nowhere near as drunk or high as he had been when he came home before, but he still stumbled as he made his way closer.

Closing the door behind him as softly as possible he walked into 2J. Grabbing an overnight bag out of the hallway closet he walked into his and James' room. He placed the bag on the flood beside his bed, so if James awoke he wouldn't ask questions. He looked at the taller brunette. The covers were twisted around his body, his chest bare with sweat glistening on it, his face contorted in restless sleep, purple bags evident under his eyes. Tearing his eyes away from the man across the room before he had time to regret this decision he began to shove jeans, t-shirts, a jacket, a spare pair of shoes, underwear, his toiletries and anything else he thought he would need for the three weeks at least on the bag. He grabbed his phone, iPod, camera and laptop chargers, stuffing them into the bag before he shoved his phone, iPod, and camera and wallet into his old satchel along with a book, and his laptop. 

Amazed that James hadn't already woken Carlos quickly made his bed and cleaned his side of the room. It hadn't looked as clean as it did then for months. Though that was what was wrong, Carlos wasn't a clean person, and the room now looked just as empty as he felt inside.

With a last once-over of his room Carlos came to stop at a picture frame, with a ring beside it. It was a picture of James and him, from about a year ago. He loved the picture. The ring was what James had given him for his 21st is was sterling silver and had an ornate Celtic design. Carlos wore it every day, until George put him in hospital and he had to take it off. He hadn't worn it since, as he felt that he didn't deserve the beautiful gift. He took the picture out of the frame and picked up the ring before leaving the room, slipping them into his wallet, unable to part with them just yet.

He placed a piece of white note paper on the counter before taking one last look at the apartment and walking out the door.

**Author's Note: I feel so sad for making Carlos like this, and I know there are probably unanswered questions, but all will be revealed in the next few chapters. You will find out where Carlos is going and will see parallel stories each chapter of both James and Carlos.  
>Let me know what you thought!<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: You must hate me for how long it has taken me to post. I am so sorry for anyone who has read my stories and followed my writing. I have been so busy with school, exams, assignments, events, performing arts rehearsals, you name it.

I don't know if anyone is still even reading my stories, but if you are I hope you enjoy, and I apologise if this chapter is not up to my usual par as it has been so long since I have written.

Love you all, thank you for the support I have received for my writing.

The sun was bright streaming in through the window. James rolled over, his body clammy from restless sleep as he rubbed his eyes. Glancing at the clock he was surprised he had slept until 8.30. He hadn't slept that long in weeks. Normally when Carlos came home he would wake him, but it seemed he hadn't. Throwing the covers off himself he stood and turned, expecting to see his passed out friend as usual.

The bed was made, that should have been the first red light for James. Carlos had never once made his bed for as long as James had known him. His side of the room was clean, as if no one had been there. On instinct, James ran and checked the draws. They were all missing clothes. He ran into the bathroom, all of Carlos' toiletries were gone, his computer, iPod, everything gone. He turned to Carlos' dresser and took in a sharp breath as he saw the empty picture frame and the ring missing.

Taking in shaky breaths he opened the bedroom door and walked out to the kitchen, more calmly that he thought was possible. Before he even saw the note he knew he that Carlos was gone, but that didn't change the reality.

He picked the small piece of paper up and his eyes skimmed the few sentences. He dropped the paper out of his hand and fell into one of the counter chairs. He sat there staring at the wall above the fridge. Emotionless, blank, empty. He vaguely heard the sounds of people coming in behind him. He saw the four other occupants of 2J walk into the room out of the corner of his eye. But he didn't move. Logan was the first to notice him sitting there, and he knew before he asked that something was not right.

"James . . . James buddy are you okay?"Logan said as he reached the taller boy. James didn't change.

Hearing Logan's words, the other three began to walk over to the emotionless boy. Logan shook his bare shoulders, yet James still did not respond, his eyes trained on the wall for fear his resolve would crack in two. Logan put a hand on either side of the face, making James look at him, but still James' eyes did not focus.

"Logan," Kendall said softly reading the note, Mrs. Knight beside him.

'_I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I'm sorry I made all your lives a mess the past months. I'm sorry I brought you into a situation you never needed to be part of. I'm sorry that you had to suffer due to my actions. I know the way I have been acting has been hurting you, I just did not know how to cope around you, and so I shut myself off. That's why I had to leave. I can't hurt any of you anymore. I haven't disappeared, I've gone home to my parents, I just have to get out of LA, and I won't be coming back. I will see you in a few weeks at the trial._

_Carlos'_

"Carlos is gone," Kendall finished.

It was only then, when Kendall uttered the words that a tear slipped down James' cheek. He had lost him. The person he loved more than anything in the world, he had lost him because he couldn't help. Carlos may only have been at his parents' house in Minnesota, but that didn't change anything. He wasn't coming back, and he hadn't even said goodbye.

James stared out of the window of the plane, feeling nauseous. It had been three weeks since Carlos had left without so much as a goodbye and gone to his parents. Whenever he or any of them called for that matter, Mrs Garcia always came back with the same reply. 'He doesn't want to talk right now.'

James' walls were crumbling as he slowly drew deeper and deeper inside himself. Nothing that Kendall, Logan, Mrs Knight or Katie did could stop it.

He got up, ate, went to the studio, came home and went to bed. The routine had become insufferable to the other occupants of 2J as he lost the drive of life; instead it was becoming a chore just to wake up.

"James, buddy, it's time to get off the plane," Kendall said nudging his friend in the shoulder.

James gave an expressionless nod as he stood, running his hand through his now short hair (A/N: I thought sort of like Jensen Ackles with short hair) before zipping up his hoodie and grabbing his backpack.

The thing that killed him was not the fact that he was about to see the man he irrevocably loved that had cut all contact with him, it was the fact that after the week was up and the trial was over, they would be going back to LA and it was anyone's guess whether or not Carlos was going to ever go back at all.

The five of them spilled out of the taxi in front of the Garcia household, on the cold streets of Minnesota. James pulled his hoodie closer around his body, though not because of the cool breeze.

Katie slipped her hand into his and gave it a squeeze, sending him a small reassuring smile. He tried to return it, but couldn't bring himself to as she let go and walked ahead of him into the house after the others. James stepped over the threshold and followed the group into the lounge room. He took that last seat available, on the couch beside Kendall immediately noticing the absence of their young Latino friend as Mrs Garcia asked them what they would all like to drink.

She faced James and sent him a small, sad smile, the lines on her face seeming deeper than the last time he had seen her.

"He's in the backyard," she said breaking the harsh silence of the room.

James stood while the others stayed seated; silently knowing the statement was only meant for James.

His legs robotically carried him the familiar walk through the house. He paused at the back door, taking a deep breath as he opened it, where there in front on him on the edge of the deck, sitting with his back to him was the boy he loved.

"Carlos," his voice sounded hoarse, even to him.

"James."

Author's Note: And there you have it, sorry if it was crappy. If there is anyone still reading this I would greatly appreciate it if you could drop me a review.

Thanks!


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: Thank you to those who reviewed last chapter!

First of all, I know there is no excuse for the lateness of this chapter. I could blame a number of things, but well we all know how life can be.

Woah, I was reading this story from the beginning and realised how crap it is, and how unsubtle my writing is. I hate stories like that, so I will be trying to make a drastic improvement in my skills with creative writing, so I hope these chapters become better.

I would love if you would read from the beginning anyway, to remember the story, because I know sometimes if you don't remember a story you sort of read the chapter but have no idea what was going on so don't finish it, but please do.

_Previously: _

"_He's in the backyard," she said breaking the harsh silence of the room._

_James stood while the others stayed seated; silently knowing the statement was only meant for James._

_His legs robotically carried him the familiar walk through the house. He paused at the back door, taking a deep breath as he opened it, where there in front on him on the edge of the deck, sitting with his back to him was the boy he loved._

"_Carlos," his voice sounded hoarse, even to him._

"_James."_

James took the two steps forward and sat down leaving just over a foot of space between Carlos and himself.

"How are you?" His voice came out uncharacteristically timid.

"Getting better" Carlos replied, his eyes never leaving the spot in the garden he was staring at, his face blank.

They sat in silence both waiting for the other to speak, not even so much as glancing at each other.

"You know, we miss you so much. I miss you so much Carlos," James' voice cracked at the end of his statement. They both knew that James was not just talking about the couple of weeks he had been gone.

"I just want you to be okay, I just want you to back to the old you," he continued.

"Well, sometimes we can never go back, only move forward," Carlos said, his voice sounding incredibly distant as he stood up to go inside. James stood following him.

"Carlos," with that the smaller boy stopped walking towards the door and turned back to James, their eyes connecting for the first time since they had began speaking.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" James whispered.

"Because if I had, you would never have let me leave." Carlos whispered, had James not been paying attention he would have missed it as he pressed a piece of metal and a piece of paper into James' hand.

James turned the ring over in his fingers. It felt to him that Carlos giving him the ring back said that everything was over. It felt like defeat. Carlos had not spoken to anyone, he ate dinner then left to his room. He was acting like a recluse in his own house. But then again, James hadn't been acting much better either. He didn't really know what he was expecting when he saw Carlos again, but it wasn't this. It was as if he wasn't even really there. Carlos didn't acknowledge him when he was in the room, on the rare occasions he came out of his own. The group had been there for 3 days and nothing had changed, but everything had.

For Kendall and Logan it was noticeable as well. They could see how miserable James was on the outside and how miserable Carlos was on the inside. The two boys were opposites in so many ways, but the ways you think they would act, would be completely different to the way they did. Like James, normally wasn't an open book when it came to his emotions, but in regards to Carlos he could not hide anything. Whereas Carlos always was an open book, when they were younger they knew all the emotions he was going through from one look. Now though, it was as if he was a completely different person in the way that he acted. You couldn't read him for anything.

The two friends watched as James and Carlos entered the room from different entrances. Carlos not acknowledging any of them. James' eyes betraying the hurt he felt. The exact same way they had since he left. All of them knew that things would never be the same.

James fiddled with his tie as they stood outside the courtroom. He felt like it was getting tighter and tighter with every second of the clock that ticked by. The whole party was anxiously waiting for the short recess the judge had ordered to be over, and for the jury to reassemble. The trial had been going on since 9 a.m. that morning and it was now 2.45 in the afternoon. The whole party stood in silence, knowing that once back inside that Carlos would have to go up on the stand and recount all that had happened to him.

They all sat in their respective seats as Carlos made his way to the stand. James' heart was beating erratically, he had already been on the stand as a witness and had to describe the day he found . . . that monster in their apartment hurting _his_ Carlos.

James watched as the shine of sweat became more prominent on Carlos' brow. And then the questions began. James had to clench his jaw and close his eyes to calm himself as Carlos recounted the torture that he had endured.

"Mr Garcia, would you please describe to the court the day that you were allegedly assaulted by George Pintons in Los Angeles in your apartment? What were you doing that morning" Carlos' lawyer Molly stated.

"I was home alone, in our apartment. I had found out that morning that he had been released from gaol **(A/N: aussie spelling: gaol, otherwise known as jail)** and that he had bought a plane ticket to LA. The guys were called to the studio by our producer Gustavo, but I had stayed home because I wasn't feeling well. I was not doing much, just taking it easy, I was pretty shaken up about him being released. The doorbell rang and I went and opened the door. He was standing on the other side." Carlos voice was already beginning to shake, the first emotion he had shown since the attack really.

"Could you please point out to the jury, to whom you are referring to Carlos?" Molly asked gently.

Carlos raised a shaky hand and pointed to the defendant's table, right at George.

"Thank you Carlos. What happened after you opened the door?"

"I backed away. I couldn't believe my eyes at what I was seeing. He walked in and came towards me. I was backed up against the kitchen counter and I couldn't move as he came so close to me. He had this manic gleam in his eye as he looked at me. He said 'I missed you Carlos, why did you have to split us up. You know that I love you, because no one else will. Do you think that," Carlos hesitated before continuing, "Do you think that James boy could actually love you? Yes I know how you feel about him, it's a shame that he never will. If i can't have you know one is allowed too, I'm the only one that can ever love you, you are mine.'

_George leant in towards Carlos, crashing his lips down on the smaller boys. With weak hands the smaller boy pushed him off, terror alive in his eyes. _

"_You just made a big mistake Carlos," George sneered as he grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him against the nearest wall. _

"_No one wants you, no one wants you here, no one ever wanted you. They just put up with you because they feel sorry for you." George lifted Carlos off the ground before slamming him down in a bruised heap against the wooden floor. Carlos cried out as the jolts of pain shot through his body as George began to kick at his small lifeless form._

"_Oh, you gonna cry baby are you, that's what you are a cry baby, you were 5 years ago and you are now. You'll never change; you'll never be worth anything more than a broken mistake, to anyone."_

_Tears leaked out of Carlos' eyes, from the pain and the words. He felt the rough hands grab him once more as George straddled his body. Carlos tried to move and push him off to no avail._

"_I wouldn't try and stop me if I were you," George said leaning in close to Carlos' face, pressing his lips to his once again. It was when he pulled back that Carlos saw the glint of silver._

"What happened after you saw the knife in his hand Carlos?" Molly questioned.

"I . . . I stopped fighting. I laid there still on the ground as he . . . as he began to carve into my hip with the knife." Carlos voice was wavering, his eyes almost going out of focus.

"What did he write with the knife Carlos?"

"Mine."

_George looked down at his handy work, psychotic grin never leaving his face as he stared down at the boy going in and out of consciousness from the pain._

"_See Carlos, can you feel it now, how much I love you, that I want to save you from the hurt of all the people that will betray you. I love you Carlos, can you see how much I love you."_

_Carlos eyes drooped as he fell into unconsciousness again, barely aware of what was happening. His eyes opened to see George kneeling in between his legs. He knew the face all too well, the same face he had on each time he had . . . Carlos barely registered his pants and boxers being pulled off before he felt searing pain. He let out a searing scream. It felt like his insides were ripping._

"_Fuck, I forgot how good you were baby. You make me want you so much." George moaned as he thrust in and out of the younger. _

_Tears leaked out of Carlos' eyes, as the pain became unbearable. He felt his insides being filled up as George landed on him with a spent groan._

"_James . . . help," it was barely more than a whisper._

"_It will do you good to never say his name again," George said as he pulled out before slamming his fist down on Carlos' face._

"That's the last thing I remember before waking up in hospital," Carlos finished, eyes glassy, voice wheezy.

James saw Carlos' eyes flicker towards the court room doors and before anyone could register it the small Latino was running straight down the courtroom, out the doors to a chorus of his name. Before anyone could stop him, James bounded down the aisle, following the brunettes trail.

James placed a soothing hand on Carlos' back as he dry-heaved into the bushes outside the courtroom, in the park when he caught up to him.

"What happened to me Jamie?" Carlos' voice reminded James of when he first came out of the hospital. Broken, completely utterly broken.

"Torture that no one should ever have to endure," James relied evenly as he continued to rub his hand up and down Carlos' back as the Latino braced his arms against the wall behind the small bushes.

James could fell Carlos' body beginning to shake as the smaller boy began to sob gently. Against his better knowledge James turned the Latino around and pulled him into his embrace, gently rubbing his hands down the latter's back. To James' surprise Carlos did not shy away from his touch, rather leaned into it.

"I can't go back in there James, I can't do it anymore, I'm done," Carlos whispered into James neck.

James' heart broke in two at the sad words, after all this Carlos was just going to give up now, after all he had been through?

James shook his head, willing his voice to come out assertively but knowing it wouldn't.

"You can't just give up now, not after everything. Put that bastard in the place he belongs, be the one to come out on top and put the past behind you, be the one that conquers his demons."

Carlos did not say anything, just leant against James even more, as if he was his only lifeline.

"I don't want to have to relive the memories again," Carlos pulled back from James and looked at the ground, defeat showing plain on his expression.

"You never have to not after today, never again."

"I just want to put everything in the past behind me." Carlos' voice croaked as he turned away from James. _'I have to put you in the past James and what we had behind me or I will never move on and forget'. _It was on that thought that Carlos stood and slowly walked back inside, to move on with his life.

**Author's Note: So there it is the next chapter. I hope I didn't disappoint too much, I know I'm rusty. Please drop me a review on how you liked this chapter and the story so far. **


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